A Bishie Tale
by Nimmy
Summary: This is a very long and very funny fic that took almost a year to complete, and I'm not even posting 20% of the whole thing. The next chapter will be uploaded soon! :)


Oh my GOD, you won't believe how long this story is... We wrote it on paper originally and this is all I have typed so far. We wrote it on A4 paper, and it comes now to a total of OVER FOUR HUNDRED PAGES, FRONT AND BACK!!

We've been writing it for a year, and it just hasn't stopped. (My mother and I write it, she's a writer too and she also loves anime and bishounen, which is strange, I know. She even does the shounen ai pairings like I do! She's such a cool ma.) 

((This has a lot of Shounen ai in it by the way. Yaoi too. ^v^;;;))

Well, here is our work, it may take a few years to write (and read!!) But it's worth it as it has major bishounen cross overs in it. Here are the bishies involved in the story;

Treize- man of the house, the father figure if you will.

Milly (aka Zechs)- takes on female role of the house, the mother figure if you will. Nags Treize a lot.

Heero, Wufei, Duo- The "naughty kids" of the house. Always fighting and causing trouble.

Quatre- The little kiddie of the house, takes the role of "annoyingly over-sensitive little brother who cries at everything". Loves Trowa.

Trowa- Takes on the long-suffering eldest teenage kid, who is the disciplinarian more than Milly and Treize, who are most often doing other things. (^^;;;)

Ok, they're the regulars. These come into it later on-

Vega- Vega is a brief visitor who runs into them accidentally by walking into the wrong bishie story. Stays a very short time, causes havoc while he's there.

Vincent- A very brief visit. He's the mailman and delivers the bishies a note from the author every now and then.

Une, Noin, Catherine, Hilde, Sally, Relena and Dorothy- They invade the house and cause havoc for some time! Dorothy being the only girl on the bishie's side. She and Relena make a reappearance later.

Kuja- Wufei leaves the house at some point (when they've moved- their original house gets squished) and the bishie organisation send Kuja as a replacement. Kuja becomes a permanent resident, even when Wufei returns. And then there were 8!

Kuja is the slutty lodger who constantly poses a threat to the likes of Milly and Quatre, as he often tries to tempt Trowa and Treize with his revealing outfits and saucy mannerisms.

Ashley- Considering the length of this story, Ashley is a pretty new addition. We feel he may become a permanent resident like Kuja did. Treize finally has competition for Milly's affections... ^^;;; 

Sydney- Arrived with Ashley, also may be a permanent resident. Sydney proves to be competition for Kuja, as he attracts Treize and Trowa. Sydney however only has eyes for Ashley.

There's the cast! Enjoy the show!

_A Bishie Tale_

Wufei sits on the floor in the middle of the room, cross-legged and eating a chow mein flavour pot noodle.

Duo watches him from a dark corner, licking his chops.

"Hey Wuf... that pot noodle you got there looks damn tasty... any chance of letting your old pal Duo have just a little taste?" He asks hopefully.

Wufei turns his head to face in Duo's direction looking rather haughty, his eyes closed. His cheeks bulge out like a hamster as he chews the noodles. "Sod off." He says plainly.

 Heero walks in and gives Wufei a look of disgust. "You should be fighting not eating. We should fight for freedom, fight for honour, fight for the people, fight, fight, fight. If we cannot fight then I must kill myself for there is nothing worth living for if there is nothing to fight. So lets get out there and fight."

 Quatre pops up from behind Heero.

"Hey! Don't fight, guys! We should all go to outer space for the weekend and have fun! Yeaaaay!" Quatre jumps up and down and hugs Wufei, who almost chokes on his noodles.

"Sod off! I told you, no one is having any!"

Milly walks in, brushing his long hair.

"Hey Milly." Says Heero. "Lets get out there and fight! We can fight until teatime and fight after tea- what dye say?"

Milly looks horrified. "Fight- have you any idea what fighting does to my hair? And I've just washed it!"

 Duo, his tongue sticking out in concentration sneaks a hand round from behind Wufei, reaching for the pot noodle. Wufei spots the thieving hand and slaps it sharply, making Duo yell in pain.

"I told you to sod off..." Wufei stuffs another forkful into his mouth.

 In the meantime, Quatre dances round the room. 

"Space! Space! Yeaaaay!" He trots over to Heero and squeezes him fondly.

Heero starts punching Quatre. "Fight fight!" He shouts.

Quatre starts to cry. "I'll set Trowa on you! I'll tell him that you made me cry and he'll beat you up!" He nods, sniffling.

 Milly looks at Wufei eating his pot noodle, who was stuffing it away like a hamster.

"Yuk, you're disgusting. You should stop eating those horrible things or you'll never be as handsome as me."

He continues brushing his hair, sighing at its loveliness.

Wufei punches Duo in the nose as he once again tries to kidnap the pot noodle. He then walks over to Milly and snorts. "You are a stupid woman!"

Milly pulls out a silver pistol and aims it at Wufei's head.

"I'll shoot you, you silly little boy. Don't you have any respect for your elders?"

Trowa walks in. "Bunch of losers..." He sneers. He punches Milly in the stomach.

Quatre speeds over and attaches himself to Trowa.

"Trowa, Trowa! Heero made me cry again!"

Trowa punches Heero in the stomach.

Wufei applauds Trowa, then notices his pot noodle has gone. So has Duo.

"Oh shit!"

Quatre smiles happily. "Thank you Trowa!"

 Wufei growls. "Duo, that stupid woman! He's only gone and robbed MY pot noodle! I shall hunt him down with Nataku!" He runs outside and climbs into Gundam 05 Shenlong, it clomps off in pursuit of Duo and the coveted pot noodle.

Duo climbs out of the fridge. "Hah! He wouldn't have found me there, huh?" He grins and starts scoffing the pot noodle, belching occasionally. He looks at Heero and Milly, who are both doubled up on the floor side by side, their cheeks puffed out and clutching their stomachs.

"..... You guys alright?"

"My hair is a mess..." gasps Milly.

"Why aren't we fighting..." gasps Heero.

Trowa punches Duo in the stomach and pinches the pot noodle.

 Quatre blinks, Duo hits the deck, landing beside Heero and Milly.

Quatre shrugs and offers Trowa some chopsticks.

 Meanwhile, in the hills and valleys...

Wuf and Nataku search the land for the lost chow mein pot noodle.

"We shall find that thief, Nataku..." Wuf says in a very low voice, an imaginary breeze blowing his pony about a bit.

Trowa throws the pot noodle on the floor. "This pot noodle sucks."

Milly stands up and continues brushing his hair like nothing happened. "Do you think I should wash it again?" He asks no one in particular.

Heero stands up. "I think you should leave your hair alone you freak and get out there and fight!"

Milly gets his pistol out again and points it at Heero's head.

"There're no bullets in that." Trowa says calmly.

Milly frowns and points it to his own face. It goes off.

Milly stands there with a black face.

 Trowa puts his hand over his mouth and sniggers. "Oops, sorry. My mistake.

Milly throws the gun on the floor and stamps his foot. "Now look at my hair!" He squeals.

Quatre giggles. "Trowa, that was really naughty of you! ...I like it!" 

Duo stares at the spilled pot noodle in dismay. "Noooooo, that was gonna be my tea."

Treize walks in, takes one look at Milly and sniggers.

Milly puts his hand on his hip and snubs Treize.

"Are you gonna fight, Treize?" Heero asks hopefully.

 Wufei's Gundam parks outside. He activates the SafaGundam (tm) burglar alarm and walks inside. He wails when he sees the destroyed pot noodle. "Noooooo! My chow mein!!" He stares at Treize. "You stupid woman!" 

Treize slaps Wufei's face with a glove. "I'll duel with you now."

Quatre starts applying hair gel to Trowa's spikes.

Milly leaves to wash his now black hair muttering something about running out of shampoo.

Heero jumps up and down. "I wanna duel too. Let me fight, let me fight!"

Trowa punches him in the stomach and the hair gel slops all over Treize. 

Treize had just drawn his sword, about to stab Heero but sees Trowa has done the job. He re-sheathes his sword and calmly wipes the gel off of himself with a hanky.

 Wufei opens the fridge and gets from it a beef flavour pot noodle. He clicks the kettle on and waits for it to boil.

Duo suddenly runs up and gives Heero a wedgie.

"Ha ha! Ooh!!" He squeals as Quatre gives **Duo** a wedgie.  

Heero fixes his undies then carries on jumping up and down. "Duel duel duel duel duel, etc." 

Trowa punches him in the stomach.

Quatre blinks. "Trowa, you'll bust his intestines or something if you keep doing that..."

Duo grips Quatre by the colony, glaring right into his face. "Hey! The wedgie: why?"

Quatre gulps and looks at Trowa, remembering to bat his eyelashes.

Wufei hums as he pours the hot water into the pot noodle and adds the sachet of soy sauce.

 Milly returns, his head in a towel. "Who took the plug off my hair dryer? Whoever it was own up now or I'll bloody shoot the lot of you!"

Trowa punches Duo in the stomach.

Quatre grins and attaches himself to Trowa again. "Thanks Trowa!"

Duo rolls on the ground, puffing and wheezing. "G-geez... my stomach..."

Treize nods to Milly. Indeed it was I. My electronic sandwich maker needed a plug."

Wufei chucks a piece of Soya at Trowa, it sticks on the end of a hair spike.

Milly points to his hair. "Then pray tell me how I'm supposed to dry my lovely hair, hmm? You know I'll have to shoot you now?"

Trowa calmly removes the Soya from his hair. "Don't do that." He says quietly.

Heero starts panting and slows down.

Treize whips the towel from Milly's head and scrubs at Milly's wet hair with it. "Now don't be silly, Milly." He simpers.

Quatre wiggles a finger at Wufei. "Yeah... don't."

Wufei pats Heero on the head, Duo robs the pot noodle. 

"Hee hee!" 

Milly stamps his foot. "I want a plug now and if I don't GET one now I'm going to shoot all of you!"

Heero sits on the floor, panting.

Trowa folds his arms and looks cool.

Treize hands Milly his electric sandwich maker. "Oh here."

Quatre jumps up and down. "Trowa, you look so cool, Trowa!"

Wufei makes a noise along the lines of Bruce Lee and kicks Duo in the face, catching the pot noodle. "Ha. Haha."

Duo rolls around on the floor in pain, holding his bleeding nose. "Aaugghh... by dose..."

Milly stares at the electronic sandwich maker. "I can't dry my hair with this, you idiot!"

Trowa still looks cool.

Heero is unconscious due to breathing difficulties.

Treize snaps the plug off the E.S.M and throws it to Milly.

Quatre stares at Trowa with admiration in his big blue wobbly anime eyes.

Wufei sits on Heero, unwittingly thinking he's some sort of seat. "Hey, this is comfy. I might have it upholstered at my place."

Duo rolls about dramatically.

Milly stares at the plug. "I can't dry my hair with this either!"

Trowa still looks cool but is getting aching legs due to standing so still.

Heero comes round but can't move (because Wufei is sitting on him) and screams in panic.

 Treize tuts. "Put the plug back on the hair dryer."

Quatre gives Trowa a very tight hug, making Trowa's eyes bulge a little. "You're so cool, Trowa!" 

Wufei bounces on Heero. "Oh, shut up."

Heero passes out.

Duo coughs and passes out dramatically.

Milly looks confused. "How do I do that?"

Treize looks heavenward. "You could try taking the wire off and reconnecting it."

Trowa's legs give way and he drops to the floor.

Quatre picks Trowa up. "Trowa! Are you hurt? Want me to look after you and knit you some socks?" 

Wufei sighs in comfort and stretches out on Heero, using the back of Heero's head as a pillow, his bum as a seat and his heels as feet rests. He sighs again, eating his pot noodle. "This is the life..."

Milly looks shocked. "You mean I have to fix it myself? Why don't you just buy me a new one? Oh for heaven's sake- look at my hair now. Where's my brush?" He goes looking for his brush. 

Trowa staggers to his feet. "Get me a chair Quatre."

Heero wakes up, feels sick and throws up all over Wufei.

Quatre gets a chair quick as a flash and helps Trowa onto it. "Are you ok Trowa? Can I get you anything? Cheese on toast?"

Wufei frowns. "I'm taking this sofa bed back, they're not supposed to vomit... hey, eugrgh!!! It's Heero!!"

Treize boots Duo in the knackers.

Milly comes back waving a sword.

"Right, you've all ruined my hair- now I have to fight you all!"

Heero jumps up throwing Wufei off him. "Fight, fight, we're all going to fight."

Trowa folds his arms, sitting on the chair. "Yes Quatre- I will have cheese on toast.

Quatre skips off to the kitchen to make Trowa his snack.

Wufei lands on Duo, who is holding his privates.

Treize kicks Milly in the knackers. "No one's going to fight here."

Milly drops the sword and grabs his knackers, the colour draining from his face.

Heero frowns and kicks Treize in the butt.

Quatre returns to Trowa with a large plate of cheese on toast. Trowa tries to take the cheese on toast but can't unfold his arms. "Erm, I've changed my mind- I don't want any now." He struggles to free his arms but they won't budge.

Quatre looks disappointed. "Oh.... ok then..." He lowers his head sadly, a big "Awwww!" comes from the audience (consisting mainly of teenage girl Bishie fans).

 Treize kicks Heero up the bum, his leather boots a little more harsh than Heero's battered trainers.

Duo and Wufei start having a kung fu fight in the kitchen.

Milly is moaning with pain. "That hurt, you moron. You've probably tangled them up now, and look at my hair. I'll never be able to get it nice now because my balls hurt too much."

Heero rubs his bum with a frown. "You wanna fight huh. Well that's cool with me. Fight, fight fight. I'll fight the lot of yer!"

Trowa struggles with his arms to no avail.

Quatre sees the problem. "Oh Trowa." He puts down the tray and tries to free Trowa's arms.

Treize flicks Heero on the nose and he falls over. "Milly." He says. "Your balls don't affect your hair."

Duo takes a flying leap at Wufei, but Wufei performs a stylish kung fu backflip to avoid him. "Wooooaaaahhh!" He cries, shamelessly copying Bruce Lee.

Milly glares at Treize. "How would you know- you probably haven't got any. Look at you- standing there with your hand on your hip. Queer!"

Heero gets up, holding his nose. "Ow, by dose dou dupid queer!"

Treize puts his hand on his hip, ignoring Heero's comment and speaking directly to Milly. "Hmph, **I'm** queer? Look at you, with your hair dryer and your lovely hair and the list goes on! If **I'm** a queer **you** must be a sugar plum fairy!"

"Get off me..." Trowa says through clenched teeth. "Everyone will look and it's embarrassing!"

Quatre giggles. "Trowa, don't be silly! I'm trying to help!" He continues pulling and straining at Trowa's arms.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Duo and Wufei hear some commotion. They pop their heads round the door and see Quatre & Trowa, they start sniggering.

"Oh yeah, Mr cool..." Duo snickers. Wufei points and laughs heartily.

"Got your little nurse to help you out, eh? He'll be wearing a mini skirt with a little pink pinnie with a matching nurse hat next!"

 The two double up laughing, leaning on each other.

They both imitate Quatre's voice in a ridiculously high pitch:

"Trowa, Trowa, your arms are stuck but **_I _**think you look reeeeeeeeally cool!" 

Trowa blushes furiously. "Stop it Quatre, you're making me look a complete idiot!" He struggles madly one last time and his arms suddenly unlock, knocking Quatre flying.

 Heero starts jumping up and down in front of Treize. "Big fat queer! Big fat queer!"

Treize grabs Heero and knees him in the balls, the leather kneecap of the thigh length boot making a sound impact in Heero's nether region.

"I'm not fat." He sniffed.

Milly rushes to the bedroom to fix his hair.

Quatre lands with a thump. He looks at Trowa for a moment, his face rapidly crumpling and tears filling his eyes. "Trowa..." He starts sobbing and curls up into a ball.

Trowa glares at Duo and Wufei and punches them both in the stomach. 

Heero doubles up, gasping. "You're still a queer." He gasps.

Treize gives Heero a wedgie. "So, your point is?"

Duo and Wufei are sufficiently silenced. They lie quietly on the floor, winded.

Milly comes rushing out of the bedroom with a sawn-off shotgun and fires it at the ceiling, sending chunks of plaster all over everyone.

All of them stare at Milly in shock as the plaster rains on them, except Quatre who sits weeping in a corner.

Trowa winks at Quatre and folds his arms, plaster stuck to his hair. Quatre immediately stops sobbing and speeds over to Trowa.

Heero squeals at Treize, the wedgie squashing his privates. Let go of me you gay person!" He squeaks in a high pitched voice.

Milly's face is glum. Now he's covered in plaster. He drops the shotgun.

"Now look what you all made me do!" He sobbed.

Treize sniggers to himself and dusts the plaster off his uniform. "Silly Milly!"

 All look at Milly for an explanation.

Milly looks horrified. "Stop staring at my hair!! I haven't done it yet!!" 

Trowa still has his arms folded and raises an eyebrow at Milly.

Heero tries to fix his underpants, scowling as he tries to free them.

Quatre can't help but run over to Heero and give him another wedgie before hiding behind Trowa's chair. Treize blows some plaster off Milly's hair. "It'll be all right, it comes off, see?"

Duo and Wufei shrug and resume their kung fu fight.

Heero squeals and waves his fist at Quatre, who pops up behind Trowa and blows a raspberry. Trowa grins at Quatre and looks cool.

Milly kicks Treize in the shin and runs off, Treize hops around, holding his leg in pain.

Quatre clambers onto Trowa and falls asleep. 

Duo and Wufei fight furiously, then they crash through the wall.

Milly screams as Duo and Wufei fall through into the bedroom through the wall as he's about to shave his legs.

 Heero crawls up to Quatre and pinches his bottom then quickly crawls away again. Trowa has a feeling his arms may be stuck again.

 Quatre wakes up suddenly, feeling the pinch. He looks up at Trowa, then looks away again, blushing.

 Wufei and Duo look at Milly, then at the razor and his legs. They were frozen in mid punch up. They stand up and back away, muttering apologies.

 Treize pops his head through the hole and looks at Milly. He chuckles and wolf whistles.

Milly throws the razor at them all. Get out, get out, get out!!!" He screams. His hair falls over his face in knots and tangles and he screams louder.

Duo and Wufei stop for a drink.

 Heero crawls round to Trowa and pinches his bottom.

Trowa glares at Quatre and tries to untangle his arms. Quatre's cheeks go scarlet.

Treize ducks the razor, ignoring Milly's protests he steps in through the hole and runs a finger down Milly's o-so-smooth leg. "Gillette, eh? Smooth as silk..."

Milly slaps Treize's hand sharply. "Get off me you pervert." He rolls down his trouser leg and sniffs. "Anyway- everybody knows you get yours waxed."

 Trowa stands up abruptly, dumping Quatre onto the floor. "That wasn't wise Quatre." He says in a **very** sexy voice.

Heero crawls across the room towards Quatre.

 Treize grins. "Well, it lasts longer than using a razor!" He tries to peep up Milly's trouser leg. "How do you get that- that SHEEN?"

Milly smirks. "Easy- body lotion, lots of it. Actually I buy 

the ---" He stops, realizing what he's saying. "Go away, 

you **nasty** man! I have to do my hair. Go on, sod off." He turns his back on Treize.

Treize tuts and folds his arms, turning his back on Milly. "Fine, **be** like that then."

Quatre sits on the floor, his hands clasped. He looks up at Trowa, then across at Heero.

Heero is fast approaching Quatre on all fours, an evil grin on his face. Quatre blinks nervously. "Trowa, why are you both looking at me with evil intent?"

Wufei and Duo fall asleep on each other.

Heero crawls up to Quatre, makes a war-like cry and jumps on top of him.

Trowa jumps on top of Heero, his arms still folded.

"Why won't you be nice to me?" Milly asks Treize in a petulant voice.

"But I **try** to be nice to you Milly dear, but you push me away." Treize replies.

Quatre screams, Wufei and Duo wake up.

"Dog pile!!" They both yell and jump onto the tangle of limbs that is Quatre, Trowa and Heero.

Heero crawls out from underneath the dog pile. He looks back at the tangle of bodies and the muffled screams and sniggers.

Trowa manages to unlock his arms and punches every stomach he sees in the pile.

Milly tuts as he observes this scene through the newly made "window" in the wall. "Look at that Treize- just a bunch of sillies. Let's go and make some toast!" He offers his arm to Treize, who grins and takes it gladly. 

"Let's!" They both mince off into the kitchen, arm in arm.

Duo, Wufei and Quatre all get punched in the stomach by Trowa. They each comment as they hit the deck:

"Not again..." puffed Duo.

"I think my pot noodle's coming up to say hello..." wheezed Wufei.

"How could you Trowa..." Gasped Quatre.

Treize finds some peanut butter in the fridge, Milly claps his hands in delight.

"Oh, I **Looove** that! Gimme that jar." He whips the peanut butter off Treize and dips in his fingers.

Trowa stands up and looks down at the winded bodies on the floor. "Where's Heero?" He asks in a **really**, **really** sexy voice. 

Heero gulps and quickly crawls into the kitchen and into the long sexy legs of Treize and Milly.

Treize nods at Milly happily. "Oh, me too, me too!" He looks down and spots Heero between their long leather-clad legs. "Looks like we have a guest, Milliardo!" He notes, hand on hip. "Care to join us for some peanut butter?" He asks, waggling a finger with some on it at Heero.

The three winded bishies all point to the kitchen then pass out all at the same time.

 Milly has a mouthful of peanut butter. He looks at Heero (and he **is** a long way down to him!) 

"Oh no, it's one of those sillies come to spoil our fun Treize. Can't we just shoot him?"

Heero strains his neck to look at them. 

"Shoot me an' I'll kill yer!" He shouts.

Trowa starts following Heero's tracks through the plaster. He winks at Quatre as he passes him and folds his arms.

Quatre looks up at Trowa, a silly grin on his face before he passes out again.

 Treize places a finger on Milly's lips to silence him. "Now Milly, don't be silly." He titters then picks up Heero by the underpants (which automatically gives him a wedgie) and carries him to Trowa. "Were you looking for this?" He hands Trowa the underpants elastic/handle on Heero before rejoining Milly.

 Heero screams and struggles frantically. Trowa takes the squealing Heero off Treize and stands him up. Heero is squirming, trying to rearrange his underpants. Trowa punches him in the stomach then goes into the kitchen and punches Treize and Milly in the stomach. Milly spits peanut butter all over Trowa and Treize.

Heero starts crying. 

Milly starts crying.

Trowa folds his arms.

 Treize tries not to cry himself as he comforts Milly. He gets his hanky and calmly dabs the specks of peanut butter off himself.

Duo and Wufei come round. Quatre gets up, sniffles, and declares he's going for a nice bubbly bath. He sets off for the bathroom.

Duo and Wufei get out a pack of cards and a bottle of vodka.

 Heero wipes his nose and sniffs. "I only came in here for a sandwich. It wasn't me who pinched yer bum anyway yer big turd." He runs behind Treize quickly.

Milly dabs his eyes with a handkerchief. "This wouldn't have happened if my hair had been done..." He sniffled. "I'm going to wash it now cos its covered in horrible nasty things." He goes off to the bathroom.

 Trowa leans against a wall with his arms folded. He lowers his head slightly, looking extremely sexy.

 Quatre sits in the bath, bubbles up to his chest, humming happily. A bubble lands on his nose cutely, he giggles.

 Treize sits on the sideboard, licking the peanut butter off his fingers.

 Duo and Wufei have halved the vodka.

Trowa realises no one is impressed by his sexy stance now Quatre's not about, so he heads for the bathroom.

Milly walks into the bathroom and squeals when he sees Quatre in the bath.

"No no no- they're **my** lovely bubbles you horrible little boy- get out of my bubbles, you- you- **GIRL!**"

 Heero grins when he sees Trowa leave the kitchen- then kicks Treize up the bum.

 Quatre stares at Milly, he covers his nipples with his fingertips and blushes. "I- I'm sorry, Milly! I didn't know they were yours!"

 Treize slaps Heero across the face. "Stop it! I've got piles!"

Duo and Wufei finish off the vodka and get out another couple of bottles.

Milly covers his eyes with his hands. "Get dressed and get out- I have to wash my hair."

 Trowa walks in and continues his sexy stance against the bathroom wall. Both Milly and Quatre stare at him.

Heero's eyes water and his bottom lip quivers.

Duo staggers over to Heero, belches and pinches his bum. Wufei roars with laughter. "I- I didn't think y'cud do itt..." he drawls drunkenly.

 Treize snubs them and rubs his behind gingerly.

Quatre gapes at Trowa for a moment before remembering he's naked. His cheeks go scarlet and he sinks a little under the bubbles. "H-hi, Trowa..."

Trowa winks at Quatre.

Milly's mouth hangs open. "Are you winking at **me **you perv? You're disgusting, you're foul- how dare you come into my bathroom and w--"

Trowa punches him in the stomach and Milly falls into the bath, splashing Trowa and soaking him.

Quatre gasps, his cheeks (if possible) go even redder. Milly has quite a view under the water, Quatre tries to cover himself but is a little late. He looks at Trowa, still scarlet cheeked.

Heero growls and leaps at Duo giving him a flying tackle. They both land with a thud on the floor.

Duo peuks, Wufei hurls. A big scuffle ensues, Treize watches with a glass of vodka.

"OOoo!!!" Comes a squeal from the pile.

"And heeeeeere come the wedgies..." Treize comments, followed by a myriad of twanging and snapping of undie elastic.

Heero screams along with Duo and Wufei.

Milly resurfaces from the bubbly water, his hair hanging in shreds and his face redder than Quatre's. He has bubbles coming out of his nose as he splutters bath water out of his mouth.

Trowa clears his throat, somewhat embarrassed by the quick peek he had of Quatre's noddy as the water rose up. He quietly leaves the bathroom before Milly can rid himself of the water that's filled his lungs.

Quatre cringes and curls up in a ball, his face almost purple.

 Duo and Wufei walk away, holding their squashed privates.

Treize chortles. Heero grips his privates and growls at Treize.

Milly rubs the bubbles from his eyes and finds his face inches from Quatre's. He gives a startled yell and jumps out of the bath, the memory of the view he had underwater rapidly coming back to him.

 Trowa quietly slips into the front room and sits down, his face scarlet.

Quatre pulls on a bathrobe and scampers out of the bathroom.

Duo and Wufei sit quietly playing cards, now quite sober.

 Treize walks off to the bathroom. He sees Quatre run out of it in a bathrobe and very red faced, so he walks in to investigate, he sees Milly getting out of the bath. He covers his mouth and cries out before fleeing the bathroom in tears.

  Milly runs after him dripping water everywhere. "Treize, come back- where are you going? It was Trowa- he made me get in the bath with Quatre!"

Treize runs into his room and slams the door. 

"I trusted you, Milliardo Peacecraft!" He cries from within. 

Heero sneaks up behind Trowa and pokes his fingers in his eyes.

Trowa squeals. Quatre(now fully clothed) scowls at Heero. "Leave him alone!" He pats Trowa on the head.

Trowa can't see any more. "I've gone blind! I can't see!" He cries.

Quatre squeezes Trowa. "Trowa, don't worry! I'll get him back... oh yes I will... haha!" He begins to laugh manically like he did in that episode of Gundam wing.

Milly bangs on the bedroom door. "Treize, let me in, please!"

Heero gives him a peculiar look.

Wufei punches Duo in the nose out of boredom.

Treize opens the door a crack, sniffling.

Heero runs at Milly, shoving him so hard Milly goes crashing through the slightly open door, landing on top of Treize with a grunt.

Trowa tries to rub his eyes but can't unfold his arms. Quatre rubs Trowa's eyes, Duo lies on the floor, Wufei feels a craving for another pot noodle.

Treize gasps as Milly's body winds him.

"You really are an animal, aren't you? Can't get enough of it, can you?! As soon as I show **any** signs of forgiveness, you're on me like a flash! I can't believe you!"

Heero stands, looking at Milly lying on top of Treize and sniggers loudly.

 Milly drips water all over Treize. "But it was Heero. He just came up behind me!"

Treize sobs. "I bet he did!"

Milly attempts to get off Treize but howls in pain. "Oww- my back- its gone! I can't move!"

Treize sobs some more. "I bet it has!"

Trowa frees his arms, slapping Quatre across the face as they untangle. Quatre squeals and holds his nose. Duo runs up and gives Heero a wedgie. Wufei eats a third pot noodle.

Heero squeals and cries.

Trowa tries to wink at Quatre but can't because his eyes are too sore, Quatre hugs him. Duo sniggers at Heero.

Wufei, hearing a howl from Treize's room decides to go investigate. He sees Milly, howling whilst on top of Treize, lying on the floor. He blinks. "Uh.. S-sorry..." He says quickly and runs.

 "Oohh, my poor back, ohh, ohh!" Milly moans loudly.

Trowa tries to see where all the moaning is coming from and sees through blurry eyes a couple lying on the floor.

"Oh my God!" He cries.

Heero stops crying and stares at Milly and Treize.

Treize writhes about under Milly, trying to escape but only making the whole thing look a lot worse.

 Quatre stares at them. "Gosh, they're bold, aren't they?" he whispers to Trowa, shocked.

"I guess he's forgiven Milly!" exclaims Duo, he and Wufei shielding each other's eyes.

"I guess you're right!" Says Wuf.

 Milly tries again to move but his moans come even louder. "Oohh, ohh, no- it's too much- ohh!" He moans loudly.

Heero covers his eyes in horror. Trowa covers Quatre's eyes and desperately tries to clear his own so he can see.

Quatre peeps from behind Trowa's hand, a slight blush spreads across his cheeks.

Wufei and Duo also peep before covering each other's eyes again.

Treize pants, struggling to get out but is unable to move.

"Milly!!" He exclaims.

Milly decides to try to move one more time.

"Ohh God!!" He screams and grips Treize's shoulder tightly.

Heero turns purple, Trowa wipes his eyes frantically.

Treize cries out, Milly hurting his shoulder. "Aahh!! ahh! Milly," he screams, panting. "Milly, please! You're hurting me now! Uhhh!!"

Quatre stares, not even blinking. His eyes suddenly go wide and he grabs a cushion. He seemingly holds it over his middle as he blushes and flees the room. Duo and Wufei cough noisily. 

Trowa blinks. "Quatre, what's happening? I can't see properly. For God's sake tell me what they're doing!" He blinks again and his eyes clear. He stares in astonishment.

"No, never mind Quatre- I can see for myself now!"

Heero turns nearly black.

Milly pants. "Treize, I'm nearly there! Don't stop me now!"

Treize yells. "Oh hurry up then Milly, I can't **stand it ** 

for much longer!!"  

 Quatre has locked himself in the bathroom, Duo and Wufei cough even louder as Treize lets out a shrill yelp.

 Trowa looks amazed. "They've still got their clothes on for God's sake. Can't they at least shut the door?"

Heero passes out.

Milly lifts himself a little higher. "Yes, yes, I'm almost there! Just a bit more!" He pants.

Treize lets out a last cry as Milly's back unlocks and the pressure on his shoulder lessens. "Uhh..."

Duo and Wufei look at each other.

"Hey, free porn!" Exclaims Duo. Wuf nods.

Quatre is still in the bathroom.

 Milly throws himself off Treize and lays panting beside him. "Oooh yes..." He breathes.

Treize sighs.

Trowa shakes his head in disbelief. "Couldn't you have done this after we'd left?" He says in his cool sexy voice.

Heero is unconscious. 

 Duo coughs and walks briskly away, Wufei goes up to the bathroom and bangs on the door.

"Quatre, what are you DOING in there? Come on, I have to pee!"

"I-I'll be out in a minute..." squeaks Quatre.

 Milly slowly stands up, holding his back. "Oh, my back will never be the same again." He mumbles, looking at Treize.

He looks at Heero lying on the floor. "What's his problem?" He asks no one in particular.

Heero comes round, sees Milly standing over him and screams.

Trowa sighs, shakes his head and lowers his eyes.

Treize stands up and looks at Milly, then shrugs and walks into his room.

Quatre comes out of the bathroom and Wufei scoots past him into the loo.

 Duo sees Milly and coughs noisily.

Milly tuts at Heero and follows Treize.

Heero stops screaming and flops back down with relief. 

Trowa raises his eyes slightly to see if Quatre is looking at him. Quatre smiles at Trowa.

  A loud "Ahhhhhhh..." can be heard from the bathroom as Wufei relieves himself. 

Duo helps Heero to his feet. "You ok?"

In Treize's room, he sits on the bed and crosses his legs. 

"What was all that fuss about? I don't know. Anyway, you were supposed to be explaining to me why you were in the bath with that boy!"

Milly examines himself in the mirror. "That silly little boy Trowa punched me and I fell in." Milly starts sniggering. "Quatre's noddy is nothing to write home about."

    Trowa eyes Heero, suddenly remembering he was after him.

 Heero stares at everyone. "I can't believe what I just saw. They're a couple of nancies and we never guessed. It's just disgusting. We should fight them, we should--"

Trowa punches Heero in the stomach.

Quatre applauds Trowa, but stops and grins when Heero glares at him.

 Duo sniggers, Wufei comes back, zipping his fly.

"A damned good pee, that." He claps his hands, rubbing them together. "Now, where are the pot noodles...?" He walks off.

Treize sniggers at Milly. "Really? Hehe. You are forgiven, Milly." He smiles, chortling.

Milly lifts his hair in despair. "Look at my lovely long, sexy, beautiful hair. Will I ever get it nice again?" He gives a little sob.

   Heero glares at Quatre, determined to get him. Trowa winks at Quatre.

Quatre smiles at Trowa. His smile fades when he sees the look on Heero's face. He steps closer to Trowa and clings to his arm.

Treize puts an arm round Milly. "There there, don't cry. It looks long sexy and beautiful to me."

   Duo and Wufei each have a pot noodle.

Milly sniffs. "Really Treize? Do you really think so?"

  Trowa nudges Quatre. "I'm hungry Quatre..." He says sexily. "Fancy making me some food?" He winks.

Heero smiles evilly. 

Quatre beams at Trowa. "Of course, Trowa!"

He skips off to the kitchen happily, giggling, tittering and all sorts of silly noises.

  Treize nods at Milly, smiling with his eyes closed. "I really think so." He smoothes a lock of Milly's hair to prove his point.

   Duo and Wuf fall asleep, leaning on each other.

Quatre skips out of the kitchen a while later  and takes Trowa's arm, leading him into the kitchen. "This way, Trowa! I hope you like casserole! I made one just for you!"

   Milly flutters his eyelashes. "You're so sweet, Treize. I must say, I do love that little kiss-curl you have on your forehead. It's very becoming you know..."

 Treize smiles. "You think so..?" He looks downwards for a moment, smiling. "You know... I always loved you in that red t-shirt with the rolled up sleeves... you know the one?" He also bats his eyelashes.

      Quatre sets a huge dish of potato casserole in front of Trowa on the kitchen table. He ties a napkin round Trowa's neck and sits in front of him, smiling. He frowns at Heero. "What do you want?"

Duo and Wuf sleep still. "Zzzzzzz..."

Heero looks innocently at Quatre. "Nothing. Well actually I've come to tell Trowa that Duo and Wufei are calling him names. I'll help you fight 'em if you like!"

Trowa chews thoughtfully on a big fat potato. "Later." He says in his coolest voice.

     Milly smiles sweetly. "Oh, how kind of you Treize. I always meant to ask you- where **do** you buy your boots? They're so **soft** you know?" He runs a finger up Treize's thigh boot. 

Treize's smile grows ever broader, Milly's finger on his thigh giving him goose bumps. "I have them tailored... I'll give you the number if you like..." He says, absently toying with Milly's hair between his fingertips.

    Quatre glares at Heero. "You're just trying to get Trowa off me." He mumbles. He dabs Trowa's mouth with a napkin.

Wuf and Duo dream of sheep.

   Milly sighs, enjoying his hair being played with. "Mmm... oh, thank you Treize. My own boots are rather hard... Would you like a cup of tea? I'm a dab hand at making tea, you know?"

   Heero holds up his hands. "No, honest, they are. Duo actually called Trowa a spiky haired freaky gay person!"

Trowa stops chewing.

Treize ignores Milly's question, twining a lock of Milly's hair around his finger. "Milly, you're... beautiful.. you know that?"

Milly sighs contentedly. "Do you think so Treize? I know lots of people say that but if you say it then it must be true. Are you sure you won't have a cup of tea? I can make one in two minutes."

Treize sighs and lets go of Milly's hair. "All right."

    Quatre scowls at Heero. "Duo wouldn't do that! Don't listen, Trowa. Your hair isn't freaky, its feathered."

 Duo and Wuf are dead to the world.

Heero gives Quatre a dirty look. "Are you calling me a liar? Wufei thinks you fancy Trowa anyway."

Trowa chokes on the potato.

Quatre stares at Heero, a scarlet blush flushing his cheeks.

He looks at Trowa, then at Heero again. "You just... shut your face!" He squeals and runs off.

 Heero has a smug look on his face. Wuf wakes up and yawns. Trowa is still choking and turning purple.

Milly offers his arm to Treize, Treize links it.

Wuf walks into the kitchen and sees Trowa choking. He calls on his Chinese wisdom and pushes a specific place between Trowa's shoulder blades, making him cough up the potato. It lands in Heero's face. 

 Quatre sits in his room, wringing his hands.

   Milly and Treize enter the kitchen. Milly pulls a face upon seeing all the other bishies in there. He snubs them and puts the kettle on. Treize stands next to Milly, arms still linked. He also snubs the others.

Trowa breathes again, Heero pulls the potato off his face.

Wuf looks at Milly and Treize before whispering to Heero. "It was shameful, what they did before wasn't it?"

Quatre re-enters the kitchen and blushes as Trowa looks at him.

Duo wakes up.

Milly sniffs. "Do you get the feeling they're talking about us, Treize? Got nothing better to do, kids these days."

Trowa stares at Wufei, who frowns back at him. "What? I unclogged your windpipe for you, is that a crime?"

Heero stares at Milly and Treize.

Treize puts an arm around Milly and raises his eyebrows at Heero.

  Duo pads in, grinning. He pats Quatre on the head, Quatre beams. He's so cute and he knows it.

   Milly starts making a nice cup of tea. "Do you take sugar, Treize? I don't- It's so bad for one, you know."

Heero sniggers, Trowa then punches him in the stomach.

Heero doubles over, winded. "Hey, what was that for?" He gasps. 

Trowa shrugs. "You were sniggering- it's not cool to snigger. Wufei doesn't snigger."  He walks over to Wufei and punches him in the stomach.

  Treize idly plaits Milly's hair. Have you tried canderel? It's a low fat alternative."

Wuf lies on the floor, panting. Duo raises an eyebrow at Trowa while he absently pets Quatre on the head as if he were a pet. "That wasn't very friendly..."

Quatre sighs and closes his eyes. He nudges Duo's hand with his head if he stops petting him.

 Trowa frowns at Quatre. "Did you make me any more casserole?" He enquires. "I'm hungry again."

Milly pours the tea. "Why no, Treize- I don't believe I've tried that. Here you are then, a nice cup of tea. Just what the doctor ordered I think." He hands Treize a cup.

 Quatre sighs and stands up, already missing the fuss he had been enjoying. "Ok Trowa..." He puts on a little pink pinnie, rolls up his sleeves and starts peeling potatoes.

 Duo grins, relieved that Quatre is no longer hassling him. Wufei stands up and clutches his stomach, panting.

Treize takes the cup from Milly. "Why Thank you Milly dear."

He sips the cup of tea, pinkie raised.

   "That's it!!" Heero screams. "I've had enough of the lot of you!!" He goes crazy, knocking the cup out of Treize's hand and kicks the teapot out of Milly's hand. He turns on Wuf and karate chops him on the neck. He then grabs Milly's sword and goes charging round the house smashing ornaments and such, screaming a weird war cry.

Wuf lies unconscious on the floor, bleeding quietly. Duo chases after Heero. 

 Quatre stops peeling spuds and stares after Heero. "Don't wreck the crystalline vases!" He shouts.

Heero smashes the crystalline vases.

Trowa shakes his head and goes after Heero.

At the tinkling sound of crystalline being smashed, Quatre lowers his head and continues slicing potatoes, sobbing quietly. "Daddy gave me those..." He sniffs.

Treize frowns at the destroyed cup and teapot. "No respect, have they Milly?"

Milly gasps. "My best china! Oh Treize, how could he? That boy needs a firm hand!"

Treize nods. "A very firm hand! Such an unruly boy." He pulls on his fancy white gloves and strides after Heero.

Milly picks up his mask and puts it on. "Treize and I are truly friends again..." He murmurs and follows Treize.

Duo catches up with Heero. "Hey man! Cool it!!"

Heero swings the sword in Duo's face. "You wanna piece of me? Huh? Do yer? Huh?!" 

Trowa stands behind Duo and folds his arms, looking extremely cool. "I think you should leave this to me." He says in his sexiest voice.

 Duo starts to sweat, staring at the blade point. "H-hey man!"

Treize grabs Heero by the ear. "Hoi!"

Quatre sobs over the spuds.

 Trowa steps forward towards Treize. "I'll take care of this." He says in an even sexier voice.

 Milly sighs behind his mask. "Stay out of this, little boy..." He says in a sexy voice equal to Trowa's.

  Heero winces, dropping the sword. "Ow, ow, ow, that hurts, Let go!" 

  Quatre yells from the kitchen. "Don't call Trowa names! Trowa, your tea's ready!"

Treize squeezes Heero's ear tighter.

 Duo sighs and flops with relief.

Trowa takes a step towards Milly. "I believe this is my fight." He says in a low, low voice.

Milly steps forward too, his masked face inches away from Trowa's. "I don't believe that's quite right - son." His voice even lower than Trowa's.

 Heero squirms. "Ah come on! I was only kidding, honest!"

Treize drops Heero. "Oh Milly, have you gone into Zechs mode?"

 Quatre calls again. "Trowa! I said your dinner's ready!"

Trowa and Milly stare each other out.

Heero rubs his ear and looks apprehensive.

Quatre stands in the kitchen doorway, still in his pinnie. 

"Trowa!! Your casserole!"

Treize, sensing Milly's aggression calmly removes Milly's mask. 

Milly blinks and looks at Trowa. "Did you want something dear?"

 Trowa punches him in the stomach.

Heero jumps up and down. "Yes" He shouts. "Go Trowa!"

Trowa punches Heero in the stomach.

 Quatre comes in, frowning. He frowns at Trowa, his foot tapping and his arms folded. Trowa winks at Quatre.

Quatre's stern front immediately melts into a coy mush. He giggles and scampers off to the kitchen.

 Treize helps Milly to his feet. "Are you all right, dear?"

Wufei comes round. "Ghaaaah... who turned the lights off?"

Duo picks his nose.

Heero crawls into the kitchen, tears streaming down his face.

Milly looks grief stricken. "But what have I ever done to him Treize? Tell me- have I done something to offend?"

Treize helps Milly to the kitchen. "Nothing, Milly sweetheart. Just a silly ruffian."

Duo wipes it on Wufei. Who gags.

 Heero quickly crawls out of the kitchen after seeing Milly, Treize, Trowa and Quatre heading in there. He crawls up to Duo and Wufei. "Hey guys. Wanna hang around with me?"

Duo and Wufei look down at Heero. "Um, sure..." Says Wuf.

"Why not." Says Duo.

Milly nods. "Yes Treize. And these children should learn respect for their superiors. Don't you think we should do something dear? I mean that Trowa could do with a jolly hard spanking." He eyes Trowa meaningfully.

Heero jumps up and down. "Great, lets fight, fight, fight,

fight.

Trowa eats the casserole still managing to look sexy.

Quatre watches Trowa munch every last crumb, then takes his plate and washes it, humming away.

Treize nods, a wicked grin on his face, he also eyes Trowa meaningfully. "Milly dear, you couldn't be more right.... you take the left and I'll go right- he can't escape. We'll give that

silly boy the spanking of his life."

Duo and Wuf nod." O.K. Wuf's got a new power rangers figure! You can be blue Heero."

Milly looks at Treize and winks. "Lets go Treize." He goes to the left of Trowa.

Trowa raises an eyebrow as he sees Milly and Treize approach him with evil intent in their eyes.

Heero's face drops. "What? A toy? You want me to play with a toy? You pair of pansies. I mean **real** fighting."

Treize grabs Trowa and turns him over a stool, sitting on his back. "He's all yours Milly dear!" He grins evilly.

Quatre scowls. "What are you doing to poor Trowa you filthy old men?"

Treize looks shocked. "Old...? I'm twenty three! What's old about that?" He is doing an excellent job of restraining Trowa.

Wuf and Duo stop playing with their power rangers. They look at Heero, hurt.

Milly tries to pull Trowa's trousers down but they won't budge. He shrugs and whacks him hard. " Learn to respect your elders you evil little boy." He shouts.

Trowa finds it extremely difficult to look cool with the excruciating pain in his rear end. His eyes begin to water but he manages to remain silent.

Quatre frowns. "You leave him alone!"

Treize grins at Milly. "Keep it up, Milly dear! We'll teach the rascal yet!"

Duo and Wufei snigger at Trowa.

Milly, aware of all the attention, whacks Trowa even harder.

Trowa splutters the casserole all over the walls. His nose starts running.

Heero claps in delight.

Quatre tries to pull Milly away from Trowa. "You're making him vomit! You're hurting him! He doesn't look cool!"

Treize grins evilly. "Oh, you want some too?"

Quatre shakes his head frantically. "Oh, no, no!!"

Trowa begins to turn a deep shade of  red. His eyes are streaming, his nose is running and he dribbles and splutters casserole.

Milly stops spanking Trowa and looks at Quatre evilly. "Your turn blondie..." he says softly.

Heero claps even louder.

Treize swings his left leg back so he can get off Trowa. He

allows Trowa to stand up, grabs Quatre and turns him over the chair, holding him down as he did with Trowa by sitting on his back, facing his legs. "Pull 'em down, Milly!" he commands, grinning wickedly.

Quatre squeals. "Eeek! don't!!"

Wuf and Duo decide to make themselves scarce, lest they were next.

Trowa staggers around the kitchen like a drunk, casserole dribbling down his chin, his eyes so full of water he can't see.

Milly yanks Quatre's pants down his ankles to reveal a soft white botty. He starts whacking it, rapidly changing it to a deep red.

Heero is still clapping but stops when he sees Duo and Wufei legging it. He decides to do likewise and quickly follow them out.

Quatre yelps and squeals, kicking his ankles in protest. He starts sobbing. "It hurts! It stings! You beasts!"

Treize laughs and slaps Quatre's rosy botty. "Oh be quiet, it's doing you good!"

Wuf and Duo hide in the bathroom. 

Milly's hand is beginning to hurt so he stops. "Fancy swapping over Treize? I need to give my hand a rest. I really will have to put moisturiser on tonight."

 Trowa sticks his head under the cold tap.

Heero joins Duo and Wufei in the bathroom. "Those two guys are nuts!" He hisses. "We have to do something about them. 

Duo sits against the door. "But what can we do? They're older than us."

Wufei paces. "We're next for the spanking! There're only us three left, they already got Trowa and Quatre!" He starts panicking. "They'll get us too! There's no way out!! They'll do all sorts of things!!!" Duo slaps Wufei. 

"Get a grip!"

 Treize gets off Quatre so Milly can get on and puts on his tough leather gloves. Quatre gulped. Now there was going to be some power put into it...

 Treize starts spanking with great gusto, his expression most evil. 

 Milly checks his hands. "You know, I'm getting liver spots. At my age. Can you believe it?"

 Treize shouts over the loud slaps on Quatre's bum.

"Liver spots? Don't be silly. Just freckles." Treize starts to lose his breath from the exertion. Quatre cries and bawls, his botty burning from the hard slaps off the tough leather gloves.

Trowa gasps with the shock of the cold water, letting it run down his face, running his fingers through his hair making it spiky again. He looks at poor Quatre squirming under Milly then at Treize spanking the arse off the poor little bishie- and legs it to the bathroom.

Heero looks at the state of Trowa. "Right, now there's four of us. We have to rescue Quatre. His botty can't take much more of that."

Wufei and Duo nod. 

"Yeah! Let's go rescue Quatre!" Says Duo with enthusiasm. 

"Um, is this like when Robin and his milly men rescued maid maria from sherlock of the new forest?" Says Wuf.

Everyone stares at him.

 Heero gets a crazy glint in his eye. "Right, this is it then. We go now, right?"

Everyone looks at him without moving.

Trowa rubs his botty as he listens to Quatre's cries and the loud slapping noises.

  Milly yawns. "You're probably right, Treize. Anyway, enough of this child. Time for one of the others." He steps off Quatre.

Quatre scrambles to his feet, both sets of cheeks very red. Tears streaming down his face, he scurries off to the others, forgetting to pull his trousers up and falls flat on his face halfway there.

 Duo opens the door but Quatre cries out to him. "No Duo! Close the door, they're after you!"

Treize appears, with Milly. "Oh yes, you three will all have your turn..." He chuckles evilly. Wufei screams in fright.

Trowa is sort of glad he went first- at least he won't be next!

Heero squeals and jumps into the bath, pulling the shower curtain round.

 Milly's eyes are truly evil as he walks toward Duo.

Duo gulps and backs away. "H-hey man, my butt is really skinny, bony... you'll break your hand on it, you will!" He grabs Wuf and hides behind him. "Wuf's got a nice plump one!" Wuf yells and desperately tries to escape.

 Treize grabs Duo by the plait and drags him kicking and screaming to the kitchen where the previous two had suffered their fate.

 Quatre stands up sniffling and joins Heero and Trowa in the bathroom. Wufei hides behind the toilet.

 Milly throws them all a smug look. "See you soon boys. Only two more to go- unless we go round again..." He chases after Treize. "How about we go round again, Treize?"

Heero shakes so much behind the curtain it rattles and threatens to fall down on him.

 Trowa's lip trembles with the thought of his botty getting walloped again.

 Quatre looks at Trowa, his bottom lip also trembling; as much from his already sore botty as the thought of the same again. "The-they picked on me be-because I'm th-the little one..." He sobbed in a little voice.

 Wufei gets behind the shower curtain alongside Heero, figuring it's a better place to hide than behind the loo. 

 Treize sits on the chair and turns the screaming Duo over his knee, pinning him down between the shoulder blades with one elbow. With the other hand he yanks down Duo's pants. Contrary to what Duo had insisted was the truth, Duo's botty **was** quite plump. 

"Well now Milly, this one's nice and ripe, eh?" He grins evilly. Duo struggles.

"Hey, what do you mean, ripe? I- AOWW!!" He cries as a fierce slap lands on his bum.

 Milly sees his mask on the floor and eyes it with a raised eyebrow.

Trowa starts taking deep breaths as he feels a panic attack coming on.

 Heero shuts his eyes tightly, chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight!" through gritted teeth.

 Treize whacks away at Duo's posterior, grinning to himself. Duo yells and wriggles in vain.

"Ooh! Aow, stop!! Ghaa!"

Treize smiles in delight, slapping with great force.

"Burns, doesn't it brat?"

 Wufei starts crying. "I don't want a sore botty! Wahh!"

Quatre pats Trowa's arm. "It's ok, Trowa... calm down..."

Trowa hears Duo's cries and tries to take faster breaths until he hyperventilates and passes out in a dead faint.

 Milly reaches for his mask, a sinister smile on his face.

Heero puts his hands over his ears and starts crying.

Treize spanks faster, the louder Duo screams. His face takes on a frenzied smile.

Duo thinks Treize is going to draw blood any minute.

He grasps onto Treize's jacket in agony, biting into his own arm to stop himself screaming any more.

 Wufei clings to Heero in terror. When Heero cries, Wufei cries even louder.

Quatre looks for some sudocrem in the cupboard.

 Milly puts on the mask. He turns to Treize.

"Unhand that youth." He says in a very low, sexy voice. When he realises Treize can't hear him with all the screaming and whacking noises he tries again. "I said unhand that youth!" This time he yells really loud.

Trowa is totally unconscious.

Heero is filling the bath with tears.

Treize stops whacking. "What's wrong, Milly dear? Oh, that bloody mask again. I thought I'd put it away."

 Duo gasps in relief. He manages to wriggle away from Treize and runs over to Milly-turned-Zechs and clings onto him.

"Jeezis, man! You gotta save me from that slap-happy wacko!"

Milly draws his sword. "Stay behind me, young boy. Treize- you and I go back a long way but I cannot let you bring war on these children."

Duo frowns. "Wha..?"

Milly continues. "I must protect them. I therefore ask in the name of honour and peace for a duel to the death. If I should die doing so then so be it and then may these young children learn from my fate and fight on in my absence and if they die doing so then may they die with pride and honour for there is no fight greater than the fight for peace."

Heero stops crying and listens. "Hey. Duo's stopped screaming. I can hear Milly giving one of his long speeches... Hey, that means he's wearing his mask! Quick, we have to stop Treize from taking it off again, it's our only hope!" Heero hops out of the bath using the unconscious Trowa as a stepping stone.

 Treize holds up his hands. "Er, ok Mil- er, Zechs, I'm not going to fight. I'm just going to take that mask off..."

"No!" Yells Duo. 

Wufei and Quatre follow Heero after a moment, thinking how courageous he is.

 Milly waves the sword in Treize's face. "Far enough, Treize." Now his voice is low and sexy again. "I do not want to kill you but I will if I must. We must fight in a duel to the death or honour will not be upheld. There is much to fight for Treize and I will ---- etc etc."

Heero bounds in and stands behind Milly.

"You tell em Mil- er, Zechs! We're right behind you all the way." He pulls a tongue at Treize.

 Trowa begins to come round.

Treize narrows his eyes at Heero. "Surely your face is hot in that mask, Zechs. I'll duel with you of course, but take off your mask."

Duo, Quatre and Wufei all shout "No!!"

 Vega trots in and looks around. "Oops, wrong bishie story..." He trots out again.

Everyone stares at Vega then shrug.

 "My mask is my symbol, Treize. A symbol of peace and honour. The day my mask comes off is the day our- no- wait- I said that somewhere else... Anyway, my mask must remain and I must fight you. But you're right about one thing- it **is** awfully sweaty inside of it." He goes to take it off, everyone grabs his arm.

"No, Zechs!" Heero says, panicking. "You must leave it on. Treize will hurt your lovely face if you don't!"

 Trowa sits up and looks around. "So where is everyone?"

Vega comes back and sits on a chair in the corner. When everyone stares at him he waves his hand dismissively.

"Don't mind me. I think I'll stay here and watch for a bit."

 Treize scowls at Heero. "No I won't, Zechs. Ignore the child... I've never been unfair to you, I respect you. You know that..."

 Duo, Wufei and Quatre all shout "Nooo!" again.

Milly feels hot under the mask. "I wish you'd just fight me and stop being so bloody nice!" 

Heero nods. "Yeah, shut up and fight you coward!"

Trowa stands up.

Treize sighs. "Really, Zechs... you should take that mask off, it's not good for you. Just imagine the cool air on your bare face..."

 Duo, Wufei and Quatre shake their heads frantically.

Vega makes himself a coffee. "I've got a mask." He comments.

Milly sniffs. "Not as nice as mine though. Yours is quite hideous in fact." He clears his throat. "Anyway Treize, what did you say? Damn, I'm hot. Would one of you boys get me a drink of water?"

Heero runs to the tap and fills a glass of water.

Trowa makes his way to the others.

Vega snorts. "No it's not..."

Treize shakes his head. "Just take it off for a second..."

Duo, Wufei and Quatre sit next to Vega.

Heero hands the glass of water to Milly. "Here, drink this then stick that sword in Treize's stomach. Go on now, hurry."

Milly drinks the water, not needing to take his mask off. He hands the glass back to Heero. "Thank you son." He says softly, never taking his eyes off Treize. "Now where were we Treize? Ah yes, you want me to take off my mask, right? Well I'm afraid I can't do that. You see, my mask is a symbol of..."

"Yes, yes, yes, you've said all that," Heero says impatiently.

"Just dig him."

Treize frowns. It was time to try a different approach. "Zechs, you say you are a man of honour, how can you claim this to be true if you will not show your eyes?"

Milly seems confused. "I er- can't show my eyes -eh- because- em- they, eh.. don't like the light. Yes, that's it, the light hurts my eyes."

Heero groans.

Trowa crosses his legs, then his arms and watches with interest.

Treize snorts. "Oh, come on..."

Quatre asks Duo if he wants any sudocrem. Duo shakes his head.

Milly looks even more confused. He turns to Heero. "Why **do** I wear this mask?" he whispers. 

"I don't know - for goodness sake just do him in!" Heero snaps.

Trowa lowers his head and raises his eyebrows.

Quatre looks at Trowa and copies him.

Treize throws his hands up in exasperation. "Zechs, why don't you just take it off."

Milly looks at Treize then Heero. "Stop confusing me. Now both of you be quiet while I figure out why I'm wearing my mask."

Heero puts his hands on his head. "What? Oh for goodness sake!" He looks at Trowa, pleading. "Trowa, do something will yer!"

Trowa nods and walks over to Milly. He punches Milly in the stomach.

Heero groans. "No, not him you dozy great clot! I meant Treize!"

Trowa punches Heero in the stomach.

Treize chortles. "Good work! See, boys? See what a good spanking did for this young chap." He pats Trowa on the head. "Now run along and get uncle Treize a cup of tea."

Trowa punches Treize in the stomach.

 Vega slices an inch off the end of Duo's plait.

Duo yelps. "Hoi!"

Milly, who was bent double after the punch stands up slowly and eyes Trowa. "That was not a wise move son." He says in a dangerously sexy voice.

Heero looks up from his bent over position. "Uh oh - now we're in trouble." He gasps.

Trowa folds his arms.

Quatre bites his nails. "Be careful, Trowa!"

Duo holds the bit of sliced plait and sobs. Wufei gets fed up and goes outside to fiddle with the mechanics of his Gundam.

Vega hops off his chair, walks up to Milly and pulls his mask off, trying it on for himself.

Treize puffs and wheezes on the floor.

Milly blinks and looks at Treize. "Why Treize, are you all right dear? Here, let me help you up." He helps Treize upright.

"Now we're for it!" Heero sobs. "Who is that idiot anyway - he's not supposed to be in this story!"

Trowa eyes Vega.

Vega takes off the mask and chucks it, it hits the ground with a clank.

"Not as good as mine." He looks at Heero. "I'm Vega, Nimmy adopted me so I get a part in the story."

Quatre gulps. 

Treize staggers to his feet. "Thank you, Milly dear. My, those boys are ruffians."

Wufei walks back in with oil on his face.

Duo starts crying. "Oh no, we're all for the spanking now!!"

Wufei's face drops. "What?! I thought I'd got away with it!"

Milly nods with a frown. "Mmm, it appears we have a new ruffian in our midst. Seems he never cuts his fingernails."

Heero drops to his knees and crawls under the table.

Trowa steps towards Vega. "I don't think you're supposed to be here..." He says in a very sexy voice. 

 Vega smiles evilly at Trowa and pulls his own mask out of his sash. He goes to put it on. Before he does, he looks at Milly. "At least I'm not ugly. My nails are perfection, just like the rest of me!" He ties on his mask and stares at everyone, his claw hand twitching.

Quatre, Duo and Wuf dive under the table.

Treize puts one hand on his hip and draws his sword with the other. "En guarde!" He exclaims to Vega. "I'll defeat you, then I'll give you a spanking along with the others!"

Milly looks hurt. "I'm better looking than you by far, you little twerp. Go on Treize dear, give him a damn good sword fight!"

Heero suddenly likes Vega. "Go Vega go!" he shouts from under the table.

Trowa folds his arms and awaits the outcome of the battle.

Vega stares at Milly and rips off his mask. "What?!!" He shrieks. "You... more handsome than me?! You can't say that! Grahh!!" He dives onto Milly, trying to make slices on him with his claw. Treize hauls him off Milly, holding him in a headlock. Vega kicks and screams. "I'm beautiful!! I'm gorgeous!! Let me cut him to ribbons!!"

Milly's bottom lip quivers. "What a nasty young man! He tried to hurt me, Treize! Don't let go of him, he might do it again!"

Heero dives from under the table and jumps on Treize's back. "Quick, Trowa- help me if you don't want another spanking!"

Trowa seemed to consider this then walked over to Vega and punched him in the stomach.

Vega gasps and wheezes, then passes out. Treize lets him drop to the floor, then grins and grabs Heero's wrists. 

"Time for Mr. Hand to take a nice sharp trip to botty land..."

The three still under the table cry out in unison. "No, Trowa! You were supposed to get Treize!"

 Vega whimpers and crawls to a corner. He sees he broke a nail in the struggle and screams.

Milly looks at Vega, folding his arms. "Now let that be a jolly sharp lesson young man. Now you watch while Treize and I teach these nasty young scoundrels a lesson they won't forget!" Vega's mask catches his eye. "Mmm, interesting..."

Heero screams. "Trowa, help me! Do something!"

Trowa shakes his head. "You're on your own, Heero. Now learn to fight and stop being a complete girl's blouse."

Vega sits in the corner, having some form of panic attack. "My nails... my beautiful nails!!" He sees the way Milly is eyeing his mask. "Don't look at it like that, it's MINE! You can't have it!"

 Treize grabs hold of Heero and hands him over to Milly. "You know what to do..."

Wufei sobs. "I'm last! I can't stand it!"

Duo's and Quatre's lips start trembling.

Milly waves a dismissive hand and reaches for Vega's mask. "Just a minute Treize dear, I just want to look at that mask."

Heero calls over to Vega. "Do something will yer? I thought you were supposed to be some tough street fighter or something. Can't you beat up that big bully for us?"

Vega hisses at them. "Don't come near me or my mask!" He puts it on, jumps to his feet and lets out a shriek as he leaps onto the kitchen table. "I'll make you all suffer! I'll skin you alive and, and, and --- just sod off!!"

"Milly!" Treize shouts.

"Oh my word..." breathes Milly.

Heero looks worried. "Help, who's the enemy?"

Trowa looks at Vega, shrugs and jumps on the table with him. "I'd calm down if I were you my fellow bishie. You're not even supposed to be in this story and you happen to be ruining it. Now why don't you just pop back to Street land or wherever you came from and tell Nimmy not to include any more bishies from anywhere but Gundam. Right?" He folds his arms.

 Vega sniffles behind his mask. "No one loves me, except Nimmy and myself of course. Ok, I will go. Off I pop back to her playstation. I'll go rip out Chun Li's liver or something."

The speech over, Vega walks out of our little story and into the pages of legend.

 Quatre frowns. "She nicked that line from a film..."

There is a knock at the door. 

"Now what?" Wufei goes and answers it. Vincent stands there. "I have a note from Nimmy." He says, handing Wuf a piece of paper. Wuf reads it out loud, scratching the back of his head. Vincent leaves.

   "Dear Bishies,

                 Please don't be mean to Vega, he was my first adopted bishie. And please tell Quatre not to give away my nicked one-liners.      

Ta, Nimmy. xx"

Duo shakes his head. "What the hell's going on here? I've lost the plot..."

"I was about to spank Heero." Says Treize.

"Oh yeah... ulp!"

Milly sighs. "Can't we all have a nice cup of tea first? All this spanking is very thirsty work. Everyone agreed?"

Heero nods vigorously. "Yes, yes. A nice cuppa. We can all have a nice chat." He looks at Treize with a sick smile.

Trowa steps off the table and winks at Quatre.

Quatre giggles hysterically. Wufei watches Vincent walk up the street from the window. "What a strange story this is." He says to Duo.

Treize frowns at Heero. "Alright, we will. Then we'll spank you."

Milly gives a satisfied nod and puts the kettle on. "Now, who's going to help me make a lovely cup of tea?"

Heero puts his hand up. "Me, me! I'll help!" He pulls a tongue at Treize and rushes to help.

Trowa folds his arms. "Go and help..." He says to Quatre. "I'm too cool to make tea."

Quatre scampers over to Milly and Heero. 

Wufei    


End file.
